B ecause the cookie store was only three minutes from my house, and it smelled like heaven. Because the cookies were still warm and the soft, doughy middles and the melted chocolate chips tasted like heaven. Because I didn’t eat them all at once (because my heart might not take that). Because I ate just a tiny piece and saved the rest for later. Because there would be more tears later. Because my horse died that day, and I didn’t see it coming. Because he was given a clean bill of health just two days before. Because that morning he ate all his hay and his timothy pellets with gusto. Because I turned him loose in the round pen and asked him to move in circles around me. Because he was nineteen years old, and he knew the drill. Because his lips were closed tight, his head up like a sail, and he covered the ground with his hovering strides. Because he was strong and beautiful like that. Because the morning was cool and the movement was easy. Because no alarm went off to tell us to stop. Because he hit the side panel and one back leg curled up, and I thought it was broken. Because he fell to the ground and all four legs went limp. Because he was shaking, and I sat by his head and stroked his soft cheek and told him what a good boy he was while he breathed his last breath. Because he’d carried me safely for seventeen years. Because the cowbirds rose from their roost on the rails and circled and spiraled above where he lay. Because I was numb when the woman arrived with a trailer and winches to pick up his body. Because she looked at his handsome fit frame and said, “This isn’t right.” Because she took him away and I don’t know where and I don’t care because it wasn’t him anymore. Because his pen is now empty in a row of pens holding horses. Because my heart now has an emptiness I don’t know how to fill.
I’ve been searching all day for a little piece of heaven.
Because all good horses go to heaven, don’t they?
Author's Comment
The world, with all its splendor and all its heartbreak, gives writers an endless mishmash of material to dig into and pass from hand to hand until some essence is left that inspires words to flow. With my writing, I strive to create little pieces of beauty with words. In this case, the use of anaphora helped me access and process difficult emotions in real time.
Kneel Said the Night
by Margo Berdeshevsky
A composition that is balanced precariously between
wonder and horror by merging poetry, prose, and visual art.
“'How to save a bird-ling or a world? How to save a springtime?' Terrifying questions like this loom before us all, at this haunted moment ⎯ yet when the night demands we kneel, Margo Berdeshevsky dreams up rare new postures. She starts from ruin, her planet ravaged and her body long past nubile, but spawns miraculous fables, the offspring of Mother Goose and W.S. Merwin. One has the radium-glow of south Pacific bombing lanes, another exhales the toxic dust of Vesuvius, but all nay-say the glowering darkness. A remarkable accomplishment, this hybrid raises a 'tumult of hands that reach through smoke keening ⎯ call it — salvage — scream — prayer.'" ⎯John Domini, author of the Naples Earthquake I.D. trilogy
"Composed of lyric essays, line broken poems, revamped fairy tales, erotic myths, and histories clothed in see-through shifts, wearing Eau Sauvage men’s cologne, Kneel Said the Night: a hybrid book in half notes, is a lush, authoritative masterwork. This Red Riding Hood gathers flowers and details in her basket, and generates revivified archetypes—'menstrual-colored canary,' 'full paunch moon'—that can only emerge from an imagination fed by solitude and desire (and Paris). 'I’m the woman who asks how close is death, how near is God,' Berdeshevsky writes, and in this intimate, audacious collection, the answer is very close, and very, very near."–-Diane Seuss, author of frank: sonnets, Pulitzer Prize recipient
Available from Amazon, Bookshop.org, or Sundress Publications
wonder and horror by merging poetry, prose, and visual art.
Visit Margo Berdeshevsky’s website to learn more.
Paula Brown is a writer and poet whose work has appeared in the Tiny Seed Literary Journal, Anthology Nature, Wising Up Press Adult Children Anthology, Adirondack Review, Whitefish Review, South Dakota Magazine, and North Dakota Quarterly, among others. She lives in Tucson with her husband and a pack of dachshunds.